Throughout the years
there has been a very special set of guidelines that have informed my work on
behalf of consciousness. They have grown me into the person I am. The
guidelines, which are called “The Four-fold Way,” are the products of Basque
wise woman, Angeles Arrien. Angeles passed on last year, but has left us all
with these universal cross-cultural practices. They represent the world’s
wisdom. And, they have the capacity to shift consciousness, into subtler, and
more poignant, forms of awareness. Each is a deep and compelling practice,
which will with time, reveal the underbelly and glory of reality.
The Four-fold way is
composed of the easily remembered guidelines
“Show Up,” “Pay Attention,” “Tell the Truth,” and “Surrender Attachment
To Outcome.” They represent truly multi-use guidance.
I’m writing about
them today, because I want to focus upon the last of them. I am finding special
relevance, and huge difficulty, with the last one, surrender attachment to
outcome. This guideline has always been the most reliable, and hardest to
practice, for me. I think I especially need it now, to take me deeper, as I am
ageing, and experiencing so much loss.
I have learned how
important it is for me to let go of my expectations, particularly in my
relationships, but now I have entered old age, and I am realizing that I have
to let go of everything.
I have, with the
help of the perspective, provided by this guideline, settled myself down a lot.
Change — the impermanence that is everywhere — tends to throw me less often.
But, as I face the loss of energy, functionality, loved ones, and even
self-assumptions, that comes with age, I find I chafe more, even with this good
reminder. Grief, seems to be becoming a regular emotional feature of my life
now. Letting go isn’t just a practice, it is a choice-less experience that
seems to be ushering me toward the inevitable. There is relief in knowing death
is approaching. I’m not too worried about that, I’m anticipating a kind of
solving justice, with no more disabilities.
Instead, what I find
difficult is, that I am learning as I age, what is really important. And, those
things, which have come into focus so recently — pass so quickly. I barely have
a chance to take hold before I have to let go. I used to hear Johnny Cash sing,
“now that I am old enough to finally live, I’m old enough to die.” The
poignancy of that reality is kicking my butt. Letting go, surrendering
attachment to outcome, has taken on a new level of meaning, and is delivering
me to a new, deeply poignant reality.
I am still
practicing surrendering, and I’m getting more and more into the world’s
creation myths that feature a creation deity who’s tears are the source of all
things. It seems that existing is a grievous thing (I know it is also a
miracle) because it inevitably means dying. Creation and destruction, birth and
death, surrender and attachment are all paradoxical parts of this great Mystery,
and they take my breath away, as they ask me to be human. I sometimes flounder.
And that is when that particular guideline helps me the most. When I have
occasion to remember, surrender attachment, I recall that other humans came
this way, and foundered more wisely on these same paradoxical shoals, alive
with grief and wonder, compassionately trying to take it all in, and becoming
more broken down and alive along the way.
I haven’t been able
to reconcile surrendering attachment with my desire to live yet. I don’t know
if I ever will. I don’t know what ripening has in store for me. But, I find
that I am ever thankful that Angie found the wherewithal to give this aspect of
human experience, such an elegant, and abbreviated wording — now as I stumble
across it, I become ever so slightly more humanized.
Ageing seems to mean
placing more emphasis upon surrendering. I prefer to think the powers that be
are essentializing me, getting me ready, for the final stripping that is
simultaneously a birth into a new, and hopefully wiser, form. I am letting go,
because I have to, not because I’m good at it, but I am getting softened up,
hopefully becoming more malleable, and slowly fading, into I don’t know what. I
don’t know exactly why, but I trust being human, existing in this bittersweet
world, and waiting for meaning to ripen into greater realization.
The Universe is
grinding me down. I am learning to surrender. I don’t know much more than that.
I don’t know how to account for it, but I feel grateful. Life has made me up,
breathed life into me, and exposed me to grandeur. The trip seems to come with
a very exacting price tag, but I think I might have paid it anyway.
Surrendering seems to be the price/wonder of this trip.
* * * * * * * * *
* * *
For more pieces like this, go to http://www.elderssalon2.blogspot.com (2014 on)
To hear archived versions of our radio program Growing An Elder Culture go to www.elderculture.com
To read excerpts, or otherwise learn, about Embracing Life: Toward A Psychology of
Interdependence go to http://www.davidgoff.net
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