I was born in 1948. (On flag
day, to a military family.) I lived on,
or near, Strategic Air Command (SAC) bases all my childhood. I first became
aware of the atomic bomb when I was 10. It was always on the bases where I
lived. My Dad was missing for months
during the Cuban missile crisis. My first concern was nuclear annihilation. It
wasn’t until after Rachel Carson published Silent Spring in 1962, that I became
aware of the virulence of the environmental devastation I saw around me. It was
during those years, when I didn’t expect to live to be 30, that I became an
activist.
That means that I have been
aware of devastating things about human nature for over 50 years now. I
emphasize that, because I’ve aged in this world, which always seems to be
teetering on the edge. During those many years, I’ve repeatedly felt great
urgency. I’ve seen something of the greatness of humankind, and had years to
wonder, at this specie’s destructive tendencies. My sense of justice has been sorely
disappointed. And, as I awaken today, at
66, I am a man who has grown up under the shadow of our kind’s carelessness.
Over these years, I’ve
attended many protests, meetings, and participated in a variety of actions. I’m
still doing so. The reason for this note is to let you know that during that
time I’ve learned something. As a result of how life has progressed, and
matured me, my activism has changed. I went from an angry (and scared) young
person, full of righteous indignation, to a much more humble and strategic old
man. Activism has become more about how I engage in daily life. Now, all of my
actions happen here where I am. I am the agitator and the agitated.
There is a split in the
activist community, a painful and debilitating one. The fault line seems to run
between those out on the protest lines, and those in, looking at their own
culpabilities. These two distrust and undermine each other, and even deny that
they are related. This hurts the coherence and effectiveness of movement. It
has become a great source of pain for me, hearing anyone disparage someone else.
The inner and the outer are both part of the same continuum. Cut either one of
them off— devalue any expression of peace — and you have a differing, but equally
unjust, form of oppression.
It has taken me a long time
to learn that lesson. I didn’t have, what I call now, the ballast of maturity
to keep me from acting in a distorted way. My behavior, in addition to
inadvertently aiding what I fought, was frequently unjust. That pains and
humiliates me. Because of the pain, humiliation, and loss to my self-image, I
have come to realize how hard it is to see the cost of this one-sided approach.
I really despair when I perceive activists treating each other as if there is
only one right way to engage. And, I don’t know how to tree-sit the tree
sitters.
So, here is the essence of
this message. I am flabbergasted about how to proceed. It took me a long time
to learn about the value of integrating inner and outer. I think others deserve
the same chance to learn, in their own time. But, waiting around for others, to
age into a different perspective, adds to the fire, the perception that the
fire brigade is caught up in shooting water as much at each other, as at the fire.
This awareness is hard to bear. So, I reach out, and write about this dilemma,
because I hope others will perceive it, and also speak out, and I hope that in
some way, I can shorten the learning time of those I pray for.
I have learned to live a
life that is filled with tension. The central reality of my time, here on Earth,
has been the paroxysms of pain and disappointment about the degradation of our
home. It violates the environmental ethic I picked up as a boy: “Leave the
campsite better than what you found.” I
am not in favor of mass suicide. Nor am I in favor of throwing the baby out
with the bathwater.
Some of us are have learned
to be persistent, patient, and pained. The world — our birth place — is
calling. It is praising those who feel moved to help it, and it is exhorting
them to come to the task naked, shorn of human certainty.
Aging has taken away my
activist’s clothes. It has left me naked, wrinkled, stooped, and still alive,
perceiving the miraculousness of this creation, and calling out with the world.
Life has come, is here, and will go. Now is our chance to provide the honor it
deserves, and we can best do that, through honoring each other.
* * * * * * * * *
* * *
For more pieces like this, go to www.elderssalon.blogspot.com
(2010 thru 2013) and http://www.elderssalon2.blogspot.com (2014 on)
To hear archived versions of our radio program Growing An Elder Culture go to www.elderculture.com
To read excerpts, or otherwise learn, about Embracing Life: Toward A Psychology of Interdependence
go to http://www.davidgoff.net
I like this a lot. The balance between the anger and frustration ( and perhaps) powerlessness in activism, and the willingness to be patient that comes from maturity... hopefully. Good to hear you. Zorina
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